Casey vs the Confession
by Beckster1213
Summary: Murder. That is what it was. Some say confession is good for the soul. But whose soul is it good for? Two chapter story.
1. Casey vs the Red Test

A/N: Special thank you to Zettel for the helpful discussions and for beta reading.

Summary: Murder. That is what it was. Some say confession is good for the soul. But whose soul is it good for?

Casey vs the Red Test

I unlock the door to my apartment, still shaking my head. Another long shift at the Buy More. Even though it was only 4 hours, I can't get to the Johnny Walker fast enough. It is the only thing that can take the edge off the misery my life has become. No more NSA, no spying. No team.

Only Burbank. The Buy More. Jeffster.

Goddammit.

Actually, that's not true. There still is a team, I am just not part of it anymore. It was my fault. I ignored my instincts. They've never failed me before, and I threw them aside. I knew Keller was dirty – I could feel it. I let my former allegiance lead me down the wrong path. After I betrayed their trust, Chuck and Walker were still there to rescue me. And not just me, ex-fiancée and daughter.

Jesus, I have a daughter. I fill the tumbler to the brim. Slam it down. One shot. I load it up again. This is a multiple drink thought process.

I can't worry about my daughter now. The conversation with Chuck is still on my mind. He thinks he is an agent. He passed his test. That test was way too easy, there must be more to it than that. My gut is telling me there is more to this, more to the situation. But what?

Chuck thinks Walker is asking him out on a date to celebrate becoming an agent. That makes no sense. She has lived up to her "Ice Queen" nickname the last 8 months. Ever since Chuck uploaded the new Intersect, she has been frigid as hell. How could that suddenly change because he has become an agent?

Besides, she is obviously involved with Shaw. To what extent, I am not exactly sure. She is many things, but faithful to the man she is with is most definitely one of them.

Many think Shaw is the ultimate spy. Tall, dark, daring. A Superman. And I don't trust him at all. My gut tells me there is something not right with him.

It is obvious Walker still loves Chuck. Chuck still loves her. Of course, he does. I could see it from the very beginning. I could see it in him when we were standing on the roof, and I could see it in her when she held vigil over him on the beach. Why do they complicate this so much? All of our lives would be easier if they just locked themselves in a hotel room for a week and banged out their issues.

This doesn't feel right. Chuck identified the mole. He knows who it is. He passed on that intel to Shaw so that Shaw can do with it what he will. That is too simple a mission. Any moron could complete that. There must be more to it.

No, Shaw wouldn't. Would he? This fast? This soon? Would he really give Chuck his Red Test already? I agree with him that Chuck needed to be pushed harder. This is a dangerous world, a tough life. No room for lady feelings.

But this is absurd. Chuck is no killer. He goes out of his way to avoid violence. He can be a spy, just not a spy like Beckman or Shaw expect. He cannot be their "Super Spy," a killer. It is not in his makeup. He is not wired that way.

Why the dinner? Why now? After months of frigid cold, she warms and asks him to dinner….

Dammit. Walker is going to give Chuck his Red Test. That is why she asked him to dinner. Why would Walker do that? Why would she agree?

Shaw must have ordered her to.

If Shaw gives the order, Chuck will likely refuse. If Shaw has Walker do it, he kills two birds with one stone. Chuck will consider it because he will think Walker will want him to pass it. He trusts Walker. Chuck will believe that once he is officially an Agent, he will get Walker.

But if Chuck actually passes his red test, he will not be the same person. He will change. Darken. Lose a piece of his soul that he can never reclaim. He will lose what makes Chuck, Chuck.

Shaw will drive the final wedge between them. Beckman will get her super spy, and Shaw will get Walker all to himself.

Bastard.

Walker has always been Chuck's protector. Even though they've been on the outs, she has always had his back. Why would she leave him so exposed now, in his hour of greatest need?

She took him on the run when he was ordered into the bunker. I found them in that seedy motel in Barstow. I'm glad I don't know exactly what happened in that room. She was committing treason to protect him. She was willing to throw away her career or worse to keep him out of that bunker.

I saw the look in her eyes when she met us in the courtyard for Ellie's rehearsal dinner. The same look she has had since the beginning. But she wasn't hiding it then. It was out in the open, for everyone to see.

Then Chuck uploaded the 2.0, and everything changed. He went to Prague, she became cold and distant. I have always had the feeling that something more happened. Having the Intersect shouldn't have been the problem, he had had it since we've known him. The first time she sees him in six months she knocks him out cold. That wasn't for the mission, that was personal.

She isn't abandoning him because of Shaw. She may have convinced herself that she is with him, but she doesn't look at him like she looks at Chuck. Chuck hurt her somehow, but even behind the hurt in her eyes, you can still see the love she has for him. Maybe that is it. Maybe she took a risk and it backfired. It would be like Bartowski to screw it up.

If she is giving him the Red Test, who will be the mark? The mole. That will be the target. The CIA does not put traitors on trial. They execute them. Chuck did the leg work. Identified the mole. His next task is to become his executioner.

Then he will be an Agent.

Walker will show up for dinner and give Chuck his orders. She will then step aside, and let Chuck make his choice. If I had to guess, the mole will either be nearby, or invited to dinner himself. The perfect setup.

Can Chuck do it? Can he actually kill? Can Chuck cross that line?

I doubt it. He did burn an asset, but he didn't take his life. And even then, he moped around as if the world were coming to an end. If Chuck cannot kill the mole, he could become the mole's victim. Would Walker back him up? Would she step in, or would she let the night take its course?

I am not so sure anymore. I may no longer be an agent, but Chuck is my friend. A loyal friend. He has risked his life many times to save mine. I will be his backup. I will make sure he is safe.

I will be there for his date. 8pm at Traxx. Good location for cover. I can blend in. Keep guard.

I hope I am wrong, but my gut never is. I just need to listen to it.

**xXx**

I find a seat across from the restaurant amongst the travelers. Good sightline into the restaurant. I have a good view of all the tables inside. There is good cover around me.

Walker is arriving. She dressed up. Looking nice for the kid. Maybe I am wrong, maybe she told Shaw to go to hell and is doing what is right, saving the kid. Finally taking a step forward with Chuck.

She turns her head to check her surroundings. I can see her face. She looks nervous, but not giddy. Conflicted, sad, lost. Shit, she is going to give him the test.

I watch her approach the table. She takes off her coat, visibly nervous. She takes a seat and reaches for her coat pocket. She pulls out a gun – same make and model Chuck gave me to say thank you for passing his test. The same one in my waistband. She places the gun under a napkin for concealment.

Chuck arrives. He stops at the entrance and looks at her. His shoulders are high, his posture tall. His walk has a smoothness I have never seen from him. A confidence I didn't know he possessed. He sits down at the table, ready for his chance.

Walker is sitting directly across from him. Eye to eye. She can still back out. She can still do what is right. Their conversation looks forced. Tense.

She slides the napkin across the table. Chuck lifts the corner of it. Black. Dull. Death. She gave him the gun.

Jesus Christ, Walker. You've stomped on this kid's heart for 3 years, might as well steal his soul too.

He begins to plead with her. He is shaking his head, he looks confused.

She gets up and walks away. I can see the despair and desperation in her eyes. She doesn't want him to do it. Then why give him the test? Turn around, Walker!

She stops and looks back. But she does not return to him. Of all the times to ignore your lady feelings, you choose to do it now? She walks over to the bench on the opposite side of me, 40 feet to my right, and sits down with her back to the restaurant.

They must have arranged for the mole to meet Chuck. Walker gave him the gun, they expect him to take the mole to a secluded spot and execute him. The trainyard.

A man who is obviously an agent just talked to the hostess. He was directed to Chuck's table. He walks over to the table and sits down. Chuck looks nervous. Relax, Chuck, or you're going to give yourself away.

The mole is getting up, walking away. I can see the indecision on Chuck's face. He doesn't know what to do. He won't be able to kill him. I follow the mole with my eyes as he walks into the bathroom. Chuck gets up from the table and follows him.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe Chuck does have it in him. Chuck enters the bathroom. Walker is looking over there as well. But she is not moving. She looks despondent. Frozen. She must be really lost, because she still hasn't noticed I am here.

The conflict and fear are written on her face. I know that look well. That is the same look I had on my face many years ago. She is choosing duty over love. She is terrified a virtuous man walked into that bathroom, and a killer is going to walk out.

I chose love of country over Kathleen. No phone call, no letter, no goodbye. I faked my death to put the country first. At the time, I had no idea how big that sacrifice was. I put my own good aside to pursue the greater good.

Greater Good. I accepted a new meaning of greater good the day I began calling Chuck my friend. Spies don't have friends. But, I am not a spy anymore. And that is bullshit. Spies do have friends. And they do fall in love. Just ask Walker. Hell, just ask Sugarbear.

Chuck and the mole emerge from the bathroom. Chuck is arresting him. Good for you, Chuck. Keep him tight, don't let him get away. Keep your soul.

The mole is making a run for it. Both Walker and I get up to pursue. I am behind her. She stays with them, I take a shortcut. We fall into our old rhythm, even if she doesn't know it. If I were the mole, I would run to the trainyard. Lots of cars, lots of cover, lots of places to lose a tail.

I come out of a side door, directly into the railyard. I can see the mole 75 feet to my left. Bartowski 40 feet behind him. He is hopping between cars, attempting to lose him. I stay ahead, matching the movements from the front to keep the tactical advantage. I cross over another set of cars, anticipating the direction the mole will go. I hear a gunshot, but the mole is still running. Chuck fired a warning shot.

Where is Walker? She was right behind them.

I see the mole trip. He is down, Chuck catches up, gun drawn. I am in position between the railcars. Long run staying ahead of the chase. Good vantage point. The mole is pleading for his life.

Chuck is not wired like I am. The mole deserves to die, no question. His actions have endangered fellow agents and other patriots fighting for the cause. But Chuck is no killer.

I can see the tension in Chuck's trigger finger. If he is going to do it, I have to let him. He is a man, he can make his own choice. If he makes that choice, I can help him live with it.

Chuck can't do it. He begins to lower his gun, but mine is still up. The mole reaches for his ankle holster. I shoot. I don't miss. The mole is dead.

Chuck turns around and looks at me, we make eye contact. He understands. I turn and run.

My gut was right. He couldn't do it. He was about to become the mole's victim. Walker was nowhere to be found. When he needed her most, she wasn't there.

I kept Chuck safe. I did my duty. I murdered the mole. I've never committed murder before.

**xXx**

Another conversation with Chuck in the courtyard. I made it clear that he can tell no one the truth. Not even Walker. If he were to tell Walker, she becomes implicated as an accessory to my murder. Sharing the truth would put us all at risk.

He is an agent now, technically. The only people who know that he didn't kill the mole are me and him. Usually, that is one more loose end than I would like. But it is Chuck. He is as good as his word, always has been.

Another tumbler of Johnny. But tonight, it is not my only comfort. Chuck is no killer, and he never will be. Had I not been there, the mole would have killed him. Since I have arrived in Burbank, it has been my duty to keep Chuck safe. First as an asset, now as my friend. With the way Walker has been acting, perhaps he is now my only friend.

Walker. She is a mess. She has clearly lost sight of the same greater good that our team has been working together to defend. Chuck was always number one to her, even above the mission. What the hell happened when Chuck went to Prague? What made her so cold, so miserable?

Those are questions for another day. For tonight, I can relax knowing that at least I kept Chuck safe, and I will as long as I stay in Burbank.


	2. Casey vs the Confession

A/N 1: Special thank you to Zettel for the helpful discussions and the beta reading he did.

Summary: Murder. That is what it was. Some say confession is good for the soul. But whose soul is it good for?

Casey vs. the Confession

I sneak in through the Morgan door because Chuck never locks it. Maybe I should show him the surveillance footage from the Mr. Colt mission. That would change his mind.

I can hear Chuck talking to Devon and Morgan. Chuck's assignment is Rome. Beckman is allowing him to choose his own team. Anyone he wants. Anyone?

This is my ticket out of Burbank and back into the game.

As usual, Chuck's lady feelings are on display. He will only go to Rome if Walker will go with him. Morgan and Devon are conspiring to help him win Walker back. I need to be on this team. I need to be on both teams. Team Lady Feelings first, then I can get back into the big leagues. Rome.

I encourage Chuck to go lay it on the line. Tell Walker how he feels. But not to tell her everything. She can't know what really happened. I know she still loves him. I could see it in her eyes at the train station. Behind the despair and the hurt was the love. Unmistakable.

I leave Chuck's apartment to go get ready for my shift at the Buy More. If Chuck can convince her, I can get out of here. Back to doing what I was born to do. It is what I was born to do, right?

**xXx**

I am organizing inventory. Chuck walks through the main doors. Depressed, heartbroken. Shit, she rejected him.

I ask him how it went. He tells me that she doesn't believe he is her guy anymore. That having killed the mole changed him. If Chuck had killed the mole, she would be right. But that is not what happened, and she cannot know.

I remind him that he chose this life, that he wanted to be a spy. He can tell Walker whatever he wants, as long as he does not tell her I killed the mole. He wanted to be in this life, this is what he has to do.

I tell Chuck we need to find another way to convince her. Chuck cannot tell her the truth. He responds by telling me that if he can't have Walker with him, he is going to quit. Interesting. I thought Chuck wanted to be a spy. But, he won't be a spy without her. What are his motives? Why become an agent?

Grimes. Annoying little bastard. But oddly enough, he makes sense occasionally. He reminded me that we do not quit. Where there is a will, there is a way. Love is a battlefield. This is combat.

But then again, what I am telling Chuck he has to do is not fair. I am not allowing Chuck to fight for Walker fairly. I am forcing him to withhold information from her. She cannot make a knowledgeable choice if she does not have the knowledge. Her rejection of Chuck makes sense, from her point of view. She now believes him to be a killer.

Grimes comes back to me. He has a plan. It is crazy enough, it may just work.

**xXx**

We are outside the restaurant. In Jeff's van. It smells like shit in here. Necessary sacrifice for the greater good. The creepy stalker gear that Jeff and Lester own works quite well. We can hear every word of Shaw and Walker's conversation.

Shaw is good. He is laying it on thick. There is no doubt what he wants. No doubt that he has planned this all along. But I can hear a falseness in Walker's voice. She is agreeing with her mouth, but not with her heart. It is time to make our move.

Amazing. Grimes' plan to lure Shaw out of the restaurant actually works. Shaw is on the move. Walker is alone. It is Chuck's turn to say what he wants to say. But he can't say what she needs to hear.

Chuck walks up, amazingly confident. Sits down in Shaw's chair as if it belongs to him. He gets straight to the point. He wants her to go to Rome with him.

She puts him on the spot. She tells him that she can't, and he knows why. She begs him to tell her the truth. She wants to believe him, but he needs to say it. She wants the knowledge he is keeping.

He can sell me out, tell her the truth, and he will get the girl. He will get everything he wants, if he simply tells her what happened. His dream job, his new life. Everything he wants.

But he doesn't. He lays everything he can on the line. Promises to never lie to her again. All he is asking is that he be allowed to keep this one secret.

He won't give her the knowledge. He is keeping his word.

He is going to sacrifice his relationship with her to protect me. Chuck protects me and pays the price.

Kathleen. She paid the price. I made the choice to abandon my life, to pursue what I believed the greater good to be. But I did not have all the knowledge. I told Chuck that I made the right choice for me. That is only partially true. I made the right choice for me based on the knowledge that I had at the time. If I had known Kathleen….

Hell of a tackle by Devon. Although next time, he should tackle the guy with the gun. But I bet it felt good to hit Shaw. I would really like to hit Shaw.

**xXx**

I throw my keys on the table next to my chair, and head straight for the Johnny Walker. Tumbler full, cigar lit, feet up on the coffee table. I lean back, close my eyes. Much more comfortable than a jail cell. I allow myself to think about the one topic I have been avoiding.

I have a daughter. And not just a daughter, a beautiful one. She looks just like her mother. I wouldn't have made the connection had it not been for her name. I wonder if it is short for something? I guess I know it is. Doesn't matter. The implication is clear. I didn't have all of the knowledge.

Knowledge. Knowledge is power. It is hard to make the right decision if you don't know all of the facts, unless you have faith or a belief in something bigger than you, something worthy of that faith or belief. Sarah used to believe in Chuck, she used to have faith in him. Chuck's current behavior should be convincing Sarah that he didn't kill the mole. The first kill changed me, it changed her. But Chuck is still Chuck. If he had killed a man, he'd be a wreck. How can she not realize that?

Chuck locked Sarah in Castle to go after Shaw. Interesting. Chuck could have just let the airstrike take Shaw out with the Ring Director, and his problem is solved. Winner by default, the only one left.

But that is not Chuck. He is willing to sacrifice his future with Sarah to keep her safe. He will not only protect me, he will even protect Shaw. He will keep Walker out of danger. How can she not see that? She can't see it because I have an unfair advantage. I have knowledge that she doesn't. She doesn't fully understand.

Chuck would allow her to go to DC with Shaw, because he wants her to be free to choose for herself, he wants her to be happy even if it is not with him. He wants her to do what she wants to do.

Just like I chose to give up my fiancée, my life, to become a spy. But I didn't really get to make a free choice, did I? I was constrained by ignorance. Kathleen was pregnant, and I didn't know. Why didn't she tell me? I already planned on marrying her, we were already engaged. Why keep it from me?

Maybe she didn't know. We were less than careful at the hotel before she saw me off at the bus station in Buffalo. I was headed out for a six-month deployment. It was 3 weeks later that Alex Coburn "died." Who would she have told? Even if she told my parents, they thought I was dead as well.

I gave up my entire personal future to fight for the greater good, to fight for my country. I do not wholly regret that choice; I made the right choice with the knowledge I had at the time. I missed Kathleen. I missed what our life may have been.

I missed out on my daughter.

That is a price I didn't know I was paying. It is not a price I would have been willing to pay.

But I didn't have the knowledge.

I always assumed I had two choices, duty or love. To become a spy, that is correct. But there were actually three. I could have stayed in the Marines and served with honor; married Kathleen and raised our daughter.

Duty and love. I could have had it all.

Now, Sarah is in the same position I was. She is sitting in the same chair that I was many years ago. The chair of the unknown. She is having to make a choice that changes the course of her entire life, without all the knowledge she needs.

She may end up paying a price she doesn't know she is paying.

My gut tells me she is still Sarah. The Sarah that has always had my back. While the risk remains that she becomes an accessory to murder, she deserves to know. She will do what is right, even if that means reporting it. I am fairly certain she won't, but it is a risk I am willing to take.

I could let Chuck tell her. Tell him to go and explain. No. It will just look like he is begging. He has refused to give her the knowledge from the start. It will look like a last-ditch effort to keep her. No guarantee she will believe him anyway.

And he has had a damn good reason not to tell her. He could have told her, but that is not Chuck.

Chuck made his choice. He decided to stick by his principles. He kept his word. He protected me, despite that secret costing him his chance at love. The love and family I missed out on.

Sarah could be missing her chance too.

It has to be me that tells her. I cannot allow her to make the same sacrifice I did, without all the knowledge she needs to make that choice. If she still chooses duty over love and goes to go to DC after I tell her, then that is her choice. Not Chuck's, and not mine. Right now, we are not giving her much of a choice.

I am going to give her the third option I never knew I had.

I recently told Chuck, "Walker is a good woman. It's still not too late." Perhaps you should take your own advice for once, Alex.

xXx

I park the Vic along the curb outside of her apartment. Step out onto the sidewalk and walk slowly towards the entrance. I'm nervous. What the hell? John Casey doesn't get nervous. But apparently, Alex does.

I am not nervous about giving her the knowledge. That is the right thing to do. The honorable thing to do.

I am nervous because I don't know which woman is going to respond to the confession. Will I get Sarah, Agent Walker, or the Ice Queen?

It doesn't really matter I suppose. Whichever woman responds is the one I deserve. I did the right thing killing the mole, not a doubt in my mind about that. I did the wrong thing hiding it from my partner, even if she wasn't "officially" my partner anymore.

I step on the elevator and push the button for her floor.

No beating around the bush. I need to get straight to the point. The sooner I get this over with, the better for everyone involved. Especially me.

I walk up to her door and I can hear movement. Good, she is still here. I am not too late.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_**

I blow out a big breath as I wait to see who is behind the door.

She opens the door. Red eyes, puffy. She's been crying.

"You got a sec?"

She steels herself before she responds. Sarah answered the door, but Agent Walker just appeared.

"Sure, come on in," she says. Upbeat, friendly. Good acting job. She steps to the side and I walk in slowly.

The suitcase is laid out on the bed. On her nightstand is the picture I took of her and Bartowski outside of Roan's house last year. A "cover picture." Why would she need to display a cover photo in her personal space? Chuck, yes. Walker, no. Who visits? Interesting.

"Can I get you a drink or anything?

_I have no idea how you are going to react to what I am about to tell you, so I have no intention of staying any longer than I have to._

"No, no. I can't stay." Get straight to the point.

"I just wanted to come by and tell you something about Bartowski." Keep my back to her, show her I am no threat. Let her choose her reaction, if she can.

"Well, if you came to plead his case, then that's really not necessary," she replies.

"Nah. He didn't send me, he doesn't know I'm here. I just wanted to tell you something in case it changed anything."

Why wouldn't she want me to plead his case? She loves him, right? Yes, I know she does. If she doesn't want to hear a plea on his behalf, then she must have already decided what she is going to do.

Doesn't matter. She deserves to know the truth. She deserves the knowledge I didn't have. Even if it doesn't change her mind.

"He didn't kill the mole."

"What?" Hard to gauge her tone of voice. I turn to face her.

"I did. He didn't have the stones to pull the trigger. The kid's not a killer, just not wired that way – unlike us. Just thought you should know. See ya around."

Time to go. I said what I wanted to say. I said what needed to be said. She now has the knowledge that I didn't have. What she does with it, that is up to her. I'm not going to stick around and see if the Ice Queen shows up.

"Casey?"

I turn around, ready for questions, anger, yelling - ready for anything, except what she says next.

"Thank you," she says. Earnest, heartfelt.

She looks illuminated. Revived. She looks happy. This is Sarah in front of me now, not Agent Walker. She is choosing duty _and_ love. Good for you, Sarah. So, I respond with the only thing I can think to say. I may have cost myself Rome, reinstatement. Completely worth it. I mean what I say.

"Have a nice life, Walker."

xXx

I close her door and walk down the hall. Walking taller and faster than I had on the way up. More sure of myself and my place in the world, even if that is at the Buy More. At the end of the hall, I push the button for the elevator to take me down.

She didn't want me to plead his case to her. Her reaction to my confession shows she still loves him. That only makes sense if….

The picture. It was her picture. She has already reminded herself of who Chuck really is. Her reaction. That reaction wasn't shock. It was relief. Not just relief that he didn't kill the mole. That was relief for her sake as well. Relief that she had **_already _**made the right choice.

She was already going with him. She had acted on faith that Chuck was the right choice. Her faith in Chuck reminded her of the greater good that we have fought together to defend. I wish I had that kind of faith before I made my fateful choices.

The elevator doors open, and I step inside. I push the button for the ground floor. The doors close and it begins to descend. I feel good.

It turns out, confession is good for the soul.

Everyone's soul.


End file.
